The Guest List Blues

In the suggested timelines in my bridal mags, picking a date, working out a budget, and settling on the guest list — I like to call them the Big Three — are always the first tasks. It's like these writers conspire to put you through the ringer right off the bat. More stressed out brides equals more magazine sales!

(This isn't my only wedding planning conspiracy theory, by the way.

As each new challenge pops up, I've been quietly wondering. . .

What if all of the planning hubbub was really invented by men

as one final test of their bride's ability to multitask,

exhibit grace under fire, and do the Macarena in heels?

It's possible!)

With our venues secured, Nate and I have finally managed to squirrel away the date, as you know. And our "budget" continues to teeter precariously in the realm of the doable. So, that's two of the Big Three... it's just the third that's still giving us trouble.

Not checking it twice.

We came up with a draft of our guest list very soon after the proposal. And despite a determination to keep it around one hundred guests, we woke up the next morning still blissfully engaged. I thought, at the time, that every other bride I've known was silly for complaining about her guest list woes.

And then it began.

A text message from an old friend. A sweet childhood memory including a relative you haven't seen in years. A new, wonderful acquaintance. All of these things in themselves lovely, but wreaking havoc on The List.

Havoc being wreaked.

Nate and I have tried a few different approaches to this problem. "Pencilling in" new additions. Repeatedly saying we'll give it a harsh going over, and never going over it. Wildly overestimating the number of regrets we'll receive. And meanwhile The List grows.

Our current philosophy is not to cut anyone, not to add anyone, and to tweak the budget in other areas to allow for adding per capita necessities like food and drink when needed. I sure hope this works!

The Mother of the Bride

Most of you know that my mother, Dale Jarrett, died three years ago. And most of you know how heartbreaking that was for me, and how I've struggled to recover from losing her. The last few years have been a slow and natural grieving process, one that I've undergone carefully, purposefully, sensing that my grief was like a broken bone and that, if I didn't set it right, it would cripple me for life. Gracefully, my wounds have been salved. I moved to a city I love. I got a sweet dog. And then, miraculously, I fell in love.

Mom and me when I was a little girl.

My life now is exactly the life of my dreams —only it's missing my beautiful mom. The past few years were full of a lot of painful emotions and sad truths, but none of them has been as difficult to grasp as this one: my mother won't be at my wedding. I can't help but agonize over how much she would love planning my wedding with me. How fun to pick out colors, decorations, and a dress. How special to introduce her to the man of my dreams. How good and sweet to feel her squeeze my hand on the big day. We spent so many of the lazy afternoons of my childhood daydreaming aloud about my wedding, I can hardly believe that now it's here and she's not.

It's been shocking, amidst all of the joy of our engagement, to discover these feelings of sadness juxtaposed with the excitement. But I'm not a novice at grief, and I know it will get better in time. I'm just trying to keep my head above water, to keep moving forward, and to remember all of the good. The good memories, the good life lessons, and the goodness of her.

Mom and me four years ago.

Luckily for me, this isn't hard. I'm surrounded by so many wonderful and loving people; it's easy to glimpse in them the kindness and warmth I so miss in my mother. My matron of honor was also the matron of honor at my parents' wedding, and being with her is full of cherished memories of being with Mom. My amazing and inspiring dad will be there to walk me down the aisle and to share a special dance — I think the first where I don't have to stand on his shoes. I know my best friends, my wonderful siblings, and Nate's incredibly loving family, too, will all make it such a special day, brimming full of love.

But still — I can't escape the fact my mom won't be there.

Nate, ever the wonderfully supportive partner, suggested we do something special during the ceremony in Mom's honor. I was thrilled at his suggestion, and, after a lot of brainstorming, decided a butterfly release would be the perfect tribute. Mom loved butterflies — and I think they loved her too. I've watched a lot of YouTube videos of these, and an alarming number of them involve reluctant butterflies clinging to the bride's veil, the groom's finger, or an obliging guest. But I think it's worth the risk — the moment of monarchs filling the air is a moment so much like my mother herself: beautiful, arresting, and full of the promise of flight.

A Midsummer Decorating Dream; part two

Aaand, we're back! I'll start part deux of the decorating saga by finally revealing our reception venue: a local film studio! We're really excited about the space, which is vast and labyrinthine, and has HUGE decorating potential. It's also a nice tribute to Nathaniel, since he happens to be a brilliant filmmaker as well as groom extraordinaire!

The only downside to our choice is the necessity to rent, well, everything. Tables, chairs, linens, china, and etc. But who are we to let a little thing like that stop us?

Anyway, the decorating show must go on!

Cinema

Given the venue, and given Nate's profession, another theme for the wedding will be all things film. My darling and brilliant friend Amy instantly started brainstorming table centerpiece ideas when I told her this, and I like where she was going. Antique film canisters, twirls of undeveloped film, pretty flowers... I'll pretty much be scouting (and asking my bridesmaids to scout) every garage sale and thrift store in town for miscellaneous film-related odds and ends from now until April.

Oscar and Emmy — such a cute couple!

The groom is responsible for this brainwave: Oscar and Emmy as cake toppers. How cute would that be! I think Emmy would have to put down her globe for a minute and wrap those arms around Oscar instead to really get the right cake topping vibe, which means we probably need a skilled friend to help us make the piece from scratch. (My Googling thus far suggests Nate is the first person to ever think of this, and we can't just buy one.) While I'm quite partial to cute, vintage cake toppers —

So lovely!

— I'd be more than happy to see Oscar and Emmy atop our nuptial dessert!

Balloons!

Here's one I'm totally excited about, probably out of all rational proportion. I really love the look a lot of weddings achieve with those beautiful paper globe lanterns:

Such a nice look!

But I'm afraid that'd wind up being a bit pricey. I'm also, inexplicably, bothered by the thought of not being able to do anything with all the leftover lanterns after the wedding.

Luckily, Martha Stewart inspired me with the above balloon picture, which I mistook for paper lanterns at first. Don't they look totally similar? Plus, the bounciness of the balloons just seems right for a celebrating atmosphere.

More awesome balloons.

That's it for now, wedding fans!

A Midsummer Decorating Dream; part one

Hello, wedding fans, and welcome to a two-part series on my new favorite theme: decorating!

I hope you all enjoyed my guest writer last week, and I'm sorry I haven't written since then. (Remember all that complaining I was doing a while back about how being engaged = being ridiculously busy? Yeah. That hasn't changed.) But I finally have some time now to sit down at the table, mug of green tea steeping, pup asleep at my feet, and dream with you about all things decorated.

The fiancé and I went by both of our venues this morning: the reception venue because he had to meet a business associate there (I tagged along to eye the surroundings and daydream about decorating some more) and then the ceremony venue to sign the contract!

As far as the decor...I have a lot of vague ideas and no definite plans. I also have champagne taste and a beer budget. But never fear, dear readers! Check out some of our schemes:

Fabric!

Nate actually came up with this one. Our reception venue has a decidedly industrial feel (which I actually think makes for cool juxtaposition with the pretty, soft wedding stuff), so the groom suggested getting long sheets of satin (or something far, far cheaper) in our colors to hang in ceiling-to-floor glory. It will be a great way to cushion the space and set our theme, and also create a sense of luxury with a teeny price tag.

Twinkly Lights!

Is anything more charming than the soft light of white twinkly lights? (Is that even what adults call them?) Since the reception will be at night, we're planning on putting these suckers all over the outside of the building, and probably along the ceiling inside, too. (What was that I just heard? The sounds of myriad friends volunteering?) The best part about this plan is that Christmas will come sooner than our wedding day, and you know what that means: after Christmas sales! I know I've seen boxes of twinkly lights for 99 cents at Target that week, and I plan to wipe out their stock.

Words!

Some of you might know that our dog got into the decidedly unfortunate habit of eating books, recently.

Bad girl!

But as I sunk to my knees one night, surrounded by the carcasses of such beloved works as The Little Prince, The Yearling, and Atlas Shrugged, a little voice in the back of my head whispered: Wedding decorations! I was pretty sure that little voice was crazy, but I saved all the salvageable pages anyway. I finally concluded that I could use them to make some sort of heart cut-out garlandy thing. After all, I am something of a word lover, and I’d love it if the wedding could emerge with a theme of words AND moving pictures (more on that in part two!). As soon as I came to the garland conclusion, I began to see them everywhere! For instance, the adorable picture above, or this one from Wedding magazine:

Sorry for the poor quality!

Stay tuned this weekend for more decorating fun, and please share any ideas you have for us below!

A very special episode of Something Blogged, Something Blue

In a special guest appearance, by popular demand, and despite my better judgment, I present Nathaniel... aka The Groom!

Charlotte has spent countless hours researching and studying all things wedding, and she's posted some highly entertaining segments about all that here, but one subject she has yet to mention, and which I am especially excited about, not to take anything away from the ceremony itself...is the HONEYMOON! Aye-yi-yi-yi! Let me share with you a glimpse of our honeymoon plans thus far.

Charlotte and I decided early on that we didn't want to be one of those couples that got married and put off the honeymoon for a timewhen it's more convenient. No, we want to be the couple that screeches out of the reception parking lot, barreling towards some tropical paradise, briefly pausing to load up on sunscreen on the way. As thrilled as I am to say "I do" in front of our closest loved ones, I also cannot wait for my first sip of Piña Colada while lounging in a hammock with the love of my life, staring out at crystal clear water and white sands. Or Corona would work too. (Instead of the piña colada, not the love of my life!)

Insert Corona and fiancé here.

I suppose it's obvious that we've already narrowed our destinations down somewhat. We would like to spend our post-nuptial vacation in a temperate climate (we considered a romantic Alaskan cruise, but quickly changed our minds) with pristine beaches, preferably not aboard a cruise ship (because then we would be on their schedule instead of our own, which is really no schedule at all, since we both love to sleep in and stay up late), surrounded by fewer children than adults (hopefully neither), with the opportunity to ride horses among the waves and swim with dolphins. That's not so much to ask, right?

See, a modest all-inclusive resort!

One of Charlotte's close friends suggested a nirvana in the Florida Keys called Islamorada. I made a few calls, and have yet to find a cottage there for less than $500.00 per night(!). Anyone who knows us personally probably knows that this is way beyond our budget. Back to the drawing board.

We met with a travel agent at our local AAA. He was a very friendly Yankee who seemed genuinely interested in finding the perfect "Fantasy Island" for our desires. We were already leaning towards an all-inclusive resort, and he steered us in the direction of the beautiful Dominican Republic. He said we would have a wonderful time in a tranquil setting there...and we should not be alarmed by all of the armed guards we would find patrolling our resort. The only thing I know about the Dominican Republic is that many great baseball players have come from there. Should we be concerned that so many talented athletes are eager to flee such a gorgeous place?

Sammy Sosa

Charlotte's friend Eli suggested Puerto Rico. I used to work on a Royal Caribbean cruise ship back in the late 90s. San Juan was one of our stops, but sadly that was back in my gambling days, and I never explored beyond the casino near our dock. I'm told that Puerto Rico has a lot more to offer than dealers standing on a soft 17.

Long story short (too late; never let your fiancé guest-write your blog), we need advice. We've been to every site (CheapCaribbean.com, Expedia.com, applevacations.com, etc.), and we still haven't found the perfect destination for us. Honestly, if Charlotte decides she wants to Honeymoon in our game room, I'm sure it will be the best vacation of my life...but if we're going to fulfill our Piña Colada/palm tree/hammock-fantasies, we might need your help.

This Day in Herstory

The best part about having our venues is that we now, finally, have a date. Oh, sweet date. A date we can cling to, plan for, dream about, and tell to the world.

And not just any date.

It's the day of Odysseus' fabled return from the Trojan War. The anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. penning his famous letter from Birmingham Jail. The birthday of Charlie Chaplin and Anatole France. The day a bill ending slavery in the District of Columbia became law. The afternoon Apollo 16 headed off for the moon.

And now, in 2011, the day we say we do.

My wonderful groom and I have been hard at work creating Save the Date magnets to send to our guests. Ever the thrifty do-it-yourselfers, we resolved to take an engagement photo, design the card, and assemble the notices ourselves. The only task we're letting out of our hands is the actual printing, which we're entrusting to the darn good prices at www.vistaprint.com.

Taking the photo was the highlight of our Save the Date journey. Sitting on the couch one afternoon, with only a couple hours of daylight left, rain threatening, and no particular plans, we decided to get out and take some kick-ass photos. After a brief but heated debate atop a parking garage downtown, we settled instead on a more vintage location.

We then proceeded to burn approximately 658 calories each by running back and forth to alternately take and review the photos, with the help of the ten-second timer, of course.

Outtake: Nate didn't make it to his place before the timer went off.

All in all, creating the Save the Dates was a wonderful and fun first step in the months of planning and preparation we have ahead.

Excelsior!

The train before the dress

Apparently, whining about your lack of venue is a pretty good way to find one.

Another good way, it turns out, and I hate to admit, is listening to your fiancé.

Nate's very first suggestion for our ceremony venue was one I instantly shot down. The Roundhouse Railroad Museum is a little industrial corner of Savannah dotted with hulking train cars, gravel paths, and steel structures.

"What about that place?" he suggested one day in June as we drove past. I glanced over as a train full of tourists puffed into the station.

The view from the road.

"Uh-uh," was my firm reply.

But as venue after venue fell through, I found myself admitting hesitantly — "Maybe that train place wouldn't be so bad, after all."

Sure enough, it's perfect. The price is right and all-inclusive; the location is handy to our reception venue; the space is sprawling, private, and surprisingly verdant; and our date was open. Eureeka!

The garden where we'll say we do.

Granted, it comes after a somewhat precarious walk through a train-yard (we'll offer a pleasant golf cart ride for our older relatives), but there's a perfect garden in the back of the museum. By spring, I know it will be blooming like crazy, and, look, the aisle is built in! For an extra fee that I doubt we'll be paying, I could even have a private train car for a bride's room. So cool.

I'm sure you're as relieved as I am to know this means I can stop kvetching about location and move on to the real fun stuff: decorations, dresses, food and drink and everything else!

Oh, and, because he's making me say so: Nate was right, after all.